Dear Gary,

I really, really, really, really want to have a puppy, but my boyfriend is dead set against it. He says that he will be the one that will have to walk it and feed it, (especially in the winter time) but I insist that this will be good practice for when we’re ready to make babies. I’ve tried but he’s just not seeing it my way. What can I do to make him come around?

Puppy Lover – Newark, NJ

Dear Puppy Lover,

You hit the nail right on the head with that question. You will need to make him “come around”.

Do you catch what I’m throwing at you?

It’s a very simple solution to your problem – you will have to fuck your boyfriend A LOT in order for him to see it your way. The way I figure it, it should only take about 2 weeks of solid fucking for him to “come around”.

If you want to speed up the process, after you’re done fucking, bring him a big sandwich.

Guys like to have big sandwiches after they’re done with all the fucking. So get yourself all the sandwich fixin’s you can get your hands on, lube up that vagina and in no time you will hear the little pitter patter of four furry paws running around your place.

Thanks for the question, Puppy Lover!!!