BOLO (Be on the look out): Fatso with Tattoos
I got stopped the other day. I got stopped for being fat. Let me clarify. When I was stopped I was parked in a parking lot. Sitting in the passenger seat. The cop parks next to me, and then motions for me to roll down my window. I oblige of course and he asks me if I know why he stopped me. I was already stopped. Parked in a parking lot. Sitting in the passenger seat. I tell him no and he then informs me that he saw me as he was riding by and turned the car around. He asks me for identification and I give it to him and slyly slip him a gold family member card. He calls in my information and then tells me what is going on. It seems that a person matching my description was wanted by the boys in blue for robbery. He then asked me if I was on Cedar Lane. He must have noticed me thinking by the confused look on my face and quickly added a couple of days ago. I tell him that I was not as I was working. He then tells me a Verizon Wireless store was robbed. He asks me where I work. I tell him Verizon. He chuckled at the irony of it all and says to me that upon getting a closer look that I am not the person they are looking for and to have a nice day. I come home and decide to check out the local news reports for the robbery that the police officer spoke of. I got nothing. I decide to call up the bloke that gave me the gold card and ask him if he could find anything out for me. He calls them up and calls me back shortly thereafter. I ask him what he found out and his reply was, “You’re not going to like it.” “What is it?” I ask again.
“I’m sorry what?”
“They’re looking for a fatso.”
“A fatso with tattoos.”
“No they didn’t mention anything about being bald.”
“Of course not.”
“That was kind of mean of him.”
“Did you tell the real Roxanne about this?”
“She was with me.”
“Where is she now?”
“She’s in the other room lying down. It’s been a long day.”
“Well go hang out with her.”
“Yeah okay. I gotta go. I gotta go tell her I’m fat.”
Did I mention that the parking lot that we were in was for a pizza parlor? Yeah, I know. It didn’t really help my case.