I never have the urge to smoke at the games, but this one time I did, (I know, I know it’s a killer of a habit. I’ll quit. I promise.) Coincidentally, it was the same night as the three altercations occurred so I went and sought out a man that was holding a pinstripe sign that said: How May I Help You?
I see the guy just standing there, holding up his little sign enthusiastically so I approached him. I asked the guy where I could go to sneak off and have a smoke and he says, Nowhere; you have to wait until after the game.”
I asked, “There’s not a little section where we can go?”
He said, “No, I have to wait just like you do.”
“What do you mean you have to wait just like I do?”
“I can’t have one either. I have to wait until the game is over and then go outside.”
“You don’t have a little room where you go for your break?”
“No, I got to go outside.”
“After the game?”
“After the game.”
“Could you take a break now and then let me back in?”
“I don’t get a break.”
“So you don’t get a break the entire time you’re here?”
“No.”
“Well sir, I think you should seriously think about taking legal action, because I’m pretty sure it’s against the law to not get a break.”
“It is what it is.”
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I said, ‘It is what it is’.”
“Oh okay. That’s a cleaned up version of this shit sucks.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“There’s no smoking anywhere inside the stadium and once you leave there’s no re-entry.”
“Well, what happens if you smoke anyway?”
“You go to jail.”
“Oh okay. If I’m caught smoking I go to Yankee jail.”
“No, jail-jail.”
“Jail-jail?”
“Yes as in central booking.”
“For smoking?”
“Yes for smoking.”
“I’m talking cigarettes here, not weed.”
“I know what you’re talking about sir.”
“Well I don’t want to go to jail-jail just for smoking. If I went I’d want it to be for something good, you know?”
“No sir, I don’t know. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?”
“No, I think that was everything.”
“Enjoy the rest of the game sir.”

The End