He loaded up his laundry bag with dirty clothes. He went through his quick mental checklist:
Laundry detergent – Running low but… Check
Fabric Softener – Check
Quarters – Check
Beer – Check
He was all set to go downstairs to the laundry room of his apartment building when a text came in from his friend.
– Hang 2nite? Nu bar opened Shud b gud
– Can’t 2nite
– Y not?
– Laundry nite
– U gotta B kidding???
– This is worse than ur excuse two weeks ago
– Wut excuse?
– U said it wuz garbage nite
– It was
– I got a nu cool way 2 do laundry
He looked down at his phone for a moment and contemplated texting the Laundry Game out. It would take to long to type it out. He called his friend to explain. Five rings then right to voice mail.
– I just called you… Pick up
– Can’t right now
– Dropping a deuce
– Call u wen done
He went back to gathering his laundry essentials and headed down the stairs. The laundry room had multiple duties as it was also the garbage room, the storage room, a bicycle rack, and it also held the office of the building’s superintendant.
He started to unload his laundry basket filled with clothes, detergent, fabric softener, and a 6 pack of beer when his phone rang. He checked the caller ID and saw it was his friend calling back.
“What’s up mother-fucker?” He sang in a falsetto voice.
“Yo, yo yo. What’s this cool new way of doing laundry, brother?” His friend asked.
“First things first.”
“You were taking a shit when I called?”
“You texted back that you were dropping a deuce and that you couldn’t talk.”
“You couldn’t talk but you could text?”
“Sure, I’m not an animal.”
“Kinda gross dude.”
“You wouldn’t have known I was defecating unless I told you. Had I picked up the phone you would have heard the bathroom echo.”
“The bathroom echo?”
“Yes, no fabrics in there except a bathmat. Hence the echo.”
“But you can still text?”
“But not talk?”
“Yes… I’m not an animal.”
“Whatever dude, it’s still gross.”
“Whatever man, tell me about this new game you got going.”
“I call it Drunken Laundry.”
“How do you play?”
“Simple really, you grab a sixer of beer, more of course if you have more players and you bet on if the machine is going to fuck up or not.”
“Fuck up or not? What does that even mean?”
“Yeah the machines are real old. They jacked up the prices from $1.50 a wash to $2.50 a wash but never upgraded the machines, they only upgraded the prices.”
“Doesn’t seem right.”
“Totally not, but my requests have fallen on deaf ears so instead of continuing a fruitless endeavor, I’ve created a game of it.”
“Okay so how do you play?”
“You take a drink every time the machine gets stuck on the cycle.”
“On the cycle?”
“Yeah if it says rinsing which should last no more than a few minutes and is stuck on the rinsing cycle. You take a drink.”
“Seems easy enough.”
“Yup, any time machine gets stuck you take a drink,”
“I’m assuming it gets stuck a lot otherwise there would be no game.”
“Exactamundo. Then there’s the one part if the machine shuts off completely mid-cycle you have to down the whole beer.”
“Sounds like good times. How many sixers you playing with tonight?”
“I just got the one, so I’m letting certain rules slide.”
“Okay I’m in.”
“Yeah, let me go to the liquor store and I’ll be right over I think I want to play Drunken Laundry tonight.”
“You sure? I usually just play it alone. I think I’m the only one that finds true enjoyment from it.”
“Nope, I’m totally in.”
“That’s cool. Can you do me a favor before you come by?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I only have the one sixer here, can you get more beer, a bottle of vodka, and a lighter?”
“No problem, I get the more beer and vodka part but what’s the lighter for?”
“I’m going to take Drunken Laundry to the next level tonight.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Flaming shots, really?”
“Every time the laundry machines eat your change you have to take a shot.”
“Okay, I’m on my way.”
“Oh, one more thing?”
“Bring some laundry detergent.”