The Friendmance – D&V- Part VI (An IC Installment)

“So tell me. How many divorces have you been through so far? ” Victoria asked Derek as she sipped her glass of wine.

“I don’t believe in marriage.” Derek replied.

“What? What do you mean you don’t believe in marriage?”

“I don’t believe in it.”

“It’s not like marriage is a leprechaun or the Easter bunny. We’re not talking Santa Claus here. You are aware that marriage does exist.”

“I’m not doubting the validity of marriage’s existence, I’m just saying that it’s not for me.”

“So what do you do, just cheat on them, leaving them all behind and on to the next venture?”

“What? No, nothing like that is even remotely close. I just think if two people are together, be it: boy/girl, girl/girl, boy/boy, that they do not need a piece of paper binding them to a law of loyalty.”

“You know the gay community fought hard to have that?”

“I know and I’m not taking it away from anyone. If they want to get married, more power to any and all that wants it. I’m just saying it’s not for me.”

“I can understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think I’m entirely on board with it but I understand. There has to be some kind of compromise.”

“Well if you can think of one, I’m all ears.”

“I’ll have to get back to you on that one. I will say this.”


“Relationships are hard work.”


“I don’t even know what that means.”


“The whole ‘hashtag’ thing.”

“All the kids do it.”

“Two things.”


“One, I know they do.”

“And the other?”

“You’re a pretty far ways away from being a kid.”

“I’m just trying to fit in. What don’t you get about hashtags?”

“What do they mean exactly?”

“It’s like an emphasis about a specific point. For example you said, ‘Relationships are hard work’. I replied with #TrueStory indicating that I agree with you.”

“I still don’t get it, but anyway I don’t understand how all women aren’t lesbians. Your species can kind of suck at times.”


“Really? Again with the hashtags?”

“I’m sorry I’ll stop but I do agree with you. You know Louis CK once said there is no greater threat to women than men. We are the number one threat against women. Do you know what the number one threat against men is?”

“No, what is it?”

“Heart disease.”

“Are you a feminist?”

“I’ve never considered myself not to be one but I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Okay, that’s a conversation for another time. We’re talking about relationships and how hard they are at times.”

“Go on.”

“Communication is key.”

“Of course.”

“If there’s no communication, there’s a breakdown.”

“A communication breakdown.”

“Exactly and when that happens, things go downhill from there.”

“If you’re looking for an argument, you won’t find one with me.”

“No, I’m just saying, once that happens the wandering eyes begin.”

“Wandering eyes?”

“Yes, they’re might be a new co-worker that catches your eye. You might start looking elsewhere for what is lacking at home.”

“Not me.”

“Why not you?”

“I work in a warehouse. All dudes. No women to wander my eye.”

“I’m just saying. The communication is gone at home, there’s something missing, so you look elsewhere to replace it.”

“That shouldn’t be the case.”

“It is the case though. It’s the reason why any of us cheats.”

“Not me. I cheated once on someone in high school, got caught and never did it again.”

“You’re a rare exception.”

“The way I figured it, I wasn’t too good at it so why bother? If I’m not happy I’m not going to cheat, I’m just going to end it.”

“But people don’t end things. They avoid the break up even though they know something is broken there. That’s why I’m going to cheat on you. I don’t want to do it, but I’m going to cheat on you.”

“Cheat on me?”

“Yes, prior to breaking up something is going to happen where cheating is involved.”

“Cheat on me?” He repeated again.

“Yes, like I said I don’t want to do it, but it’s going to happen. I have to break up with you.”

Derek takes a moment before responding, sipping his beer, “There’s only one problem with that.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“We’re just friends. We’re not even dating.”


Victoria stares at Derek  momentarily before she breaks out into laughter.



To Be Concluded…

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