There was an incredible sadness in his heart. He could blame it on the change in the weather, the holidays, work, the straining relationships but he knew it was much more than that.
He sat on the couch and waited for his wife to come home. He put it off for months now but it was finally time to talk. He was ready to open up to her.
She came home unloaded whatever she was carrying onto the floor in front of him and sat down on the love seat adjacent to the couch he was sitting on. He took note of this as there was more than enough room for the both of them to sit next to each other.
“You would not believe the kind of day I had today. Work was a nightmare, then running around trying to get everything ready for tomorrow night. You confirmed that the Davidsons today that they were going to be able to make the dinner party for tomorrow night, right?”
He nodded towards her not saying a word.
“I don’t understand what you’re doing. Use your words. Are the Davidsons coming tomorrow night? She asked again.
“Yes.” He replied.
“Okay good, because I don’t want all of this food I got to go to waste.”
“I’m sure it won’t. Phil has a healthy appetite.”
“I’m sorry I forgot to ask how was your day?”
“Pretty uneventful. I did get to thinking though -”
“Hold that thought. Do we have any diced tomatoes?”
“Diced tomatoes. I think I forgot to pick them up at the store.
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Okay, no worries. I’ll go check the cabinet. I’m sorry, you were saying that you got to thinking today? What does that mean?”
“It means I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean you can’t do this anymore? What’s this?”
“I mean this funk I’ve been in.”
“I told you it’s just the weather that’s making you like this, couple that with work – which I told you will get better – you’ll be out of this “funk” as you call it in no time.”
“No it’s more than that.”
“More than what?”
“I’m just so tired.”
“Take a quick nap. Dinner won’t be ready for at least 20 minutes.”
“No I don’t mean physically tired. Mentally. I just can’t do it anymore.”
“Okay, you’re starting to scare me.”
“I don’t mean to scare you, I’m trying to tell you how I feel.”
“And you will feel fine in a few weeks. You’ll be good as new. Trust me.”
“I don’t think you understand. I’ll say it again. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Wait… Are we breaking up? Are you asking me for a divorce?”
“No, I’m not asking you for a divorce. I’m not breaking up with you.”
“You’re not making sense. Talk to me.”
In that instant, all of his hate, pain, sadness, rage, and feelings of inadequacy seemed to rise up out of him like smoke streaming out of a chimney.
“It’s like I said, I’m not breaking up with you. I’m breaking up with me.”
With those last words, he took the gun he held at his side under the cushion pillow, pointed it to his mouth and did the most selfish act he would ever perform. He pulled the trigger.
…To Be Continued…
***If you or anyone you know are feeling hopeless and need someone to speak to please contact SUICIDE PREVENTION
1 (800) 273-8255***
Give it one more day…