The Air Stealers

“Okay, let’s get one thing straight. There’s going to be some rules here.” She said to him.

“Rules, what do you mean rules? This is my house.” He replied.

“I am quite aware that this is your house mister, but this is the first time I’m actually staying over so we need to establish some guidelines.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“First things first, are you a covers hog?”

“A covers hog?”

“Yeah, do you like to hog all the covers?”

“I don’t think so, no,”

“Okay, well that’s good because I am not staying with a covers hog.”

“Are there any other rules?”

“Yes. There’s the sock rule.”

“Okay, what’s the sock rule?”

“Socks in bed.”

“What about socks in bed?”

“Cant’ wear them.”

“You can’t wear them?”

“No, not only me. Anybody.”

“So nobody can wear socks in bed ever?”


“What if it gets really cold in the winter time?

“That’s what the covers are for.”

“Okay so no socks in bed. Any other rules that I should be made aware of Miss Thing?

“Yes, this is the most important one.”

“I’m listening.”

“Are you an air stealer?”

“I’m sorry. A what?”

“An air stealer. Do you steal other people’s air?”

“No I don’t think so.”

“There’s no thinking. You either are or you’re aren’t.”

“I’m not entirely sure what you’re talking about so I’m going to say no, I’m not an air stealer.”

“You know air stealers. I’m sure you’ve dealt with them before”

“Nope, I’m still a virgin.”

“Of course you are.”


“Anyway, it happens when you’re snuzzling.”


“Yeah, right before you’re about to sleep you snuzzle with your snuzzle buddy but there are some people that take it a little too far.”

“The air stealers?”

“Yup, the air stealers.”

“Right on.”

“They’ll be snuzzling but forget the all important part thus creating the stealing of the air.”

“Which is?”

“The snuzzle break.”

“Are you creating your own language as you go along?”

“No of course not. The snuzzle break is when you’ve had your fill of snuzzling and then you break off to your own sides of the bed.”

“To sleep?”

“Of course to sleep, duh.”

“Right, how could I be so silly?”

“So instead of instituting the snuzzle break, they linger on longer and then they steal all of your air.”

“Hence being an air stealer.”

“Correctomundo! Oh wait  before I forget, one last thing?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“What side of the bed do you sleep on?”

“The right side, why? Is that going to be a problem too?”

“Oh not at all. I sleep on the left side so there’s no problemo.”

“Got it.”

“Okay so are you ready for bed?”

“Yes, but one last thing.” He said to her.

“Yes?” She replied.

“Don’t steal my air.”

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