Dear Gary,

Lately, I’ve been having a problem when I’m going to bathroom. It seems that I’m have an issue with a little leakage that’s leaving a big wet stain in the front of my pants. I’ve used up all of my vacation time leaving early from work because of this and I’m highly embarrassed by it all. Is there anything that I can do about my ”leaky faucet”, if you know what I mean?

Signed Pee-Pee Pants from Peoria

Dear Pee Pants,

I’m actually more concerned that you decided to write to me instead of seeing a doctor about your “leaky faucet” – Yes, I know what you mean.

In any event, you are asking for my advice and advice is what I shall give you. Instead of being embarrassed in front of your co-workers, next time your faucet leaks, take water from the real faucet, and put your thumb on the nozzle. This will create a water hose effect spraying water everywhere including you. When you leave the bathroom, just tell your co-workers that a pipe bust. They’ll let you leave because they’ll be empathetic to your plight of working with wet UndiePants. This will be allowed only so many times before they catch on that the pipes don’t need no fixin’ after a few visits from the plumber. If I were you I’d invest in adult undergarments.

Thanks for the question Pee-Pee Pants!