I don’t mean to rush you, but can we speed things up a little bit? My husband is getting home soon and I want to be there before he gets back.

I’m sorry if it seems like I’m squirming in my chair. I have a major case of swamp ass going right now.

My penis wants to shake hands with your vagina.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I have the Ebola Virus.

This is going really well. I don’t think you’ll be like the last person I dated. Speaking of, do you know how long restraining orders last?

Excuse me. I have gas.

You want to sneak off to the bathroom and do it?

Do you got any weed on you?