Guarasci Land will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of the conversations below:

Conversation #1

WOMAN: It’s hot as balls in here.
MAN: What? What did you just say?
WOMAN: I said it’s hot as balls in here.
MAN: And how the fuck would you know how hot balls are?
WOMAN: Well I don’t, but I can imagine that they would be. Hot and sticky and stuff.
MAN: I’ll have you know my balls are not hot, but I bet you that your vagina lips are.
WOMAN: What?
MAN: You heard me. It’s hot as vagina lips in here tonight.
WOMAN: Well, I’ll have you know that my vagina lips are not hot right now.
MAN: Who are you kidding? Look at those pants your wearing. I can see your camel toe.
WOMAN: I don’t have camel toe.
MAN: Then what the hell am I looking at? Unless you have a dick.
WOMAN: I do not have a dick.
MAN: Then I’m looking at your camel toe and in those pants your vagina lips are probably hot and sticky.
WOMAN: My vagina lips are not hot and sticky.
MAN: Those pants say otherwise.
WOMAN: I’m not having this conversation anymore. Can we just agree it’s hot in here?
MAN: I’m not hot. I feel fine.

The woman walks away…

Conversation #2

A man walks up to a stranger wearing a tie that was a little small for his frame.

Man: Hey buddy. Let me tell you something. That tie is to short. You gotta get a longer tie.
Stranger: What?
Man: Yeah. It’s way too short, dude. You either gotta get a longer tie, or lose some weight so it will appear longer over that big fat belly.

The stranger looks a smidgeon on the agitated side.

Stranger: Is that right?
Man: That’s right.

The stranger gives the man a once over.

Stranger: Yeah you’re right, but can I tell you something?
Man: Sure, what is it tubby?
Stranger: The 80’s called, they want their boots back.

The man looks down at his feet. Simulated snake skin boots adorn his feet.

Man: Touché, touché.