Dear Gary,

I love my husband, but he constantly wants me to wear thong underwear and show more cleavage. I don’t mind this sometimes, but it’s getting to the point of over-kill. If he had his way I would be walking around naked 24-7. Like I said, once in awhile is okay, but he scoffed at my idea of him wearing a thong for me. I gave him the ultimatum – if he wants me wearing them, he has to also. Why is it okay for me to prance around in skimpy panties, but not okay for him? Do you think this is a double standard?

Underpants-less in Seattle

Dear Underpants-less in Seattle

Of course it’s a double standard. To quote Hank Hill, “It’s called the double standard, Bobby. Don’t knock it — we got the long end of the stick on that one.”

Nobody wants to see a boy prancing around in thong undiepants.

Nobody.

Giving him an ultimatum like that is a recipe for disaster – an opening of Pandora’s Box, if you will. There are some sights that can’t be unseen. My suggestion to you is to take undiepants out of the equation all together and both of you just go: COMMANDO

Good luck Underpants-less in Seattle!

Quickies

Dear Gary,
Are you religious?
Dan – Belleville, NJ

Dear Dan,
No.

Dear Gary,
Who do you think would win in a fight, a zombie or a vampire?
Vampires v. Zombies – Englewood, NJ

Dear Vampires v. Zombies,
Vampires hands down. They’re quicker and can be very tricky.

Dear Gary,
When am I going to die?
Unhealthy Lifestyle Choices – Wyckoff, NJ

Dear Unhealthy Lifestyle Choices,
It’s clear to me that you have not got much time left, seeing as you have one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. For a very accurate determination of your death date, click: Here

Dear Gary,
Do you feel guilty?
I Know What You Did – Bergen County Jail, Hackensack, NJ

Dear I Know What You Did,
No.

Dear Gary,
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Signed, Eggs-ellence of Eggs-ecution – Egg Harbor Twp, NJ

Dear Eggs-ellence of Eggs-ecution,
I like my eggs medium rare or al dente.